With This Kiss
by Cassiepants
Summary: OotP spoiler-the death. Remus is reminiscing about the death of one of the few people he's ever truly loved. Chapter 3!
1. Chapter 1

With This Kiss  
Chapter 1: The War is Over  
  
We won. It's over. The war. We won. Voldemort's gone. But so are you.  
  
Remus was spending summer vacation at Grimauld Place. Harry wasn't there. He was at the Burrow with all of the Weasleys. Now that the war was over and Voldemort finally defeated, Harry did not have to rely on the spell Dumbledore had used so long ago. Harry was still to be cautious, but most of the Death Eaters had been captured now. Remus was spending the summer vacation at Grimauld Place alone. No one was there, the Order having been dissolved hopefully forever.  
  
Harry hadn't wanted Grimauld Place; he'd said he'd have too many reminders of Sirius. So Grimauld Place was left vacant and Remus had taken it. Remus barricaded himself in Sirius's old room, breathed in the scent of the sheets he'd once slept in, laid in the permanent slope of where Sirius's body had once lain in slumber.  
  
Remus gathered Sirius's black bed sheets to him, sitting down at the desk and looking at the pictures he had taken so many years ago. They were sixteen, young and growing. James was being a show-off, as usual, and Peter was idolizing him from afar. Sirius was being the clown of the group, making silly faces and being the generally happy-go-lucky lad that he always was. Then Remus looked at his sixteen-year-old self in the picture, looked at the relatively tall lad with sandy hair who was staring at the clown, the clown with the beautiful blue eyes as blue as the sea, eyes so big and full of happiness. He really looked at himself, the boy with the deep secret, staring at the taller boy with dark hair and eyes so blue and so dark, as if he were the world and if the world stopped turning, he would die. Remus was shocked at the revelation. He loved the boy with the dark hair and eyes like glittering sapphires and a smile so wide it had its own continent. He loved him so much; it hurt and missed him all the same. Remus's heart ached with the loss of that dark hair that was so wonderful to play with and those dark shining seas that you could just fall into, and that smile that would have been so wonderful to kiss...  
  
Oh, the kisses... Remus missed it. There wasn't anything like those soft kisses and the murmurings of sweet nothings into each other's ears... Now there were none, and they were sorely missed.  
  
Remus looked at the picture again, really looked and noticed the spot of wetness on the photograph. He realized the tear was from him and wiped away the drops of pain from his face, blew out the candle, and encased himself in the darkness of Sirius Black's bedroom. I wish he were here, I wish he were here... Remus sang as a mantra to himself again and again. I wish I could tell him, just once... that I love him. Remus tormented himself with the thought of never having told Sirius he loved him more than a brother, more than anyone or anything in the world. Sirius was his world and now his world was gone, having crashed into a thousand pieces and never coming back again. Remus put his head on the desk, hoping to die and be with Sirius just once more... 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I am most definitely making a short ficlet of this Remus/Sirius story. I think five chapters will be my limit for this story, though. Read, enjoy, and please review! Criticism is most welcome, as long as it is constructive!  
With This Kiss  
Chapter 2: The God Whom I Loved  
  
Remus felt someone yanking his foot and pushing down on the bed roughly, trying to rouse him. That's not possible, I'm sitting at the desk, thinking about Sirius, Remus thought doggedly. "Go 'way," he muttered roughly. "Can't you see I want to die?"  
  
"C'mon, Moony, you silly sod, get your arse out of bed right now!"  
  
Remus's eyes shot open. That voice. He knew that voice, heard that voice every moment in his head, even in his dreams. His heart skipped a beat. It wasn't possible! Was it? Remus's body catapulted up, swiping sheets aside, searching around for the body of the voice, for Sirius.  
  
The first thing he noticed was that he was most definitely NOT at Grimauld Place. He was in the sixth year Gryffindor boys' dormitory. Remus blinked rapidly and looked down at himself, blushing at the unintentional bareness. Remus heard a laugh and covered himself up quickly. He turned. And saw-  
  
Him. "Oh god," Remus whispered. He hadn't imagined it. Here was Sirius, alive.  
  
"Um, nope, I'm Sirius," the beautiful blue-eyed lad sang, eyes shining brightly with some well-kept secret. "But close guess."  
  
Remus stuttered, "Uh, Sirius? Is it really you?"  
  
The gleam fell. "Of course. Why wouldn't it be? Hey, why weren't you at breakfast?"  
  
Remus looked at Sirius again. He looked not a day over sixteen. Remus felt a wave of panic wash over him. What had happened? He jumped from the bed and ran to the mirror hanging on the wall. He looked at his own youthful face, far much younger than he should have been. He gasped and whipped around to face the god, his one love, Sirius. "What-what-what happened? Why are we here?"  
  
Sirius frowned. "Remus, we have class in twenty minutes. You know. Transfiguration, taught to us by Professor McGonagall, old bint who loves to dish out detentions to us? Moony, you all right? The bludger didn't knock you that hard, did it? Listen, if you die, can I have your Charms essay? Flitwick told me if I don't pass his final exam this year he's going to hex me. And I don't doubt him."  
  
"Huh?" Remus frowned. "Uh, yeah, sure." Was he dying? What was happening? Had he taken a knock to the head yesterday?  
  
"Oy, listen, Remus. You are alright, aren't you?" Sirius inquired as he promptly shoved a whole chocolate frog into his mouth. "Madam Lousier said you'd be fine, but you're acting a bit strange."  
  
"Wait, what happened-" Remus began to speak, as two familiar figures came plodding into the dormitory. Remus heard a boisterous shout.  
  
"Oy, Moony!"  
  
Remus gasped and turned. It couldn't be! "J-James?" Remus croaked.  
  
A/N: Chapter Three I have yet to finish. I figured I'd give this out as an early treat! 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
"J-James?" Remus croaked. "Is it really you?"  
  
James Potter's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Who the hell else would it be, you tosser? Anyway..." James leapt upon Remus's bed, apple in hand. "Get out of bed, you lazy lump of werewolf!"  
  
Sirius shoved James, who dropped the apple, off of the bed playfully. "Now, now, Mr. Potter, Mr. Pettigrew, go to class, Mr. Lupin will be down in a moment." He winked at Remus, ushering James and Peter out of the door rapidly. As soon as the other boys were out of the room and Sirius had locked the door behind him, he turned back to Remus.  
  
"Hello, Mr. Lupin." He leaned his forearms on the foot of the bed, preparing to ascend the bed. "Are you planning on attending class today?"  
  
Remus visibly gulped. "Ye-yeah, I think so." He murmured, closing his eyes and wishing he could just kiss him. In a moment of braveness, Remus thought, now was the chance. They were alone. Remus heard Sirius chattering to him, but he discerned none of it. All he heard was his brain telling him to act and NOW. Remus interrupted the other boy. "Hey, Sirius-"  
  
Sirius's eyebrows drew together in a frown, saying "Remus, are you alright? You're all... clammy," just as Remus said, "I want to kiss you."  
  
Sirius blinked. "What?"  
  
Remus stared, horrified. He thought, Sirius doesn't feel the same way. He was terrified. "Uh, nothing. Forget I mentioned anything."  
  
Sirius leaned forward. "No, what did you say? I didn't hear a word."  
  
Remus shook his head. "Nothing, it was nothing. Nothing important."  
  
Sirius shrugged. "I'm sure it was something important, because your eyes got all serious and I could see the copper streaks in your eyes that come out when you're emotional about something. But if you don't want to tell me..." He snatched the abandoned apple. "Here. Eat this, you're too late for breakfast, Transfiguration already started." He grabbed Remus's hand and yanked him from the bed.  
  
Remus yelped. "I'm not dressed, Sirius!"  
  
Sirius stamped his foot. "Then hurry up, or we'll get a week's detention!" Remus loved his furrowed brow when he was impatient.  
  
Remus hurriedly dressed, Sirius looking on. When Remus had finished, Sirius grabbed his hand yet again and pulled him along, running down the corridors and making a mad dash to Professor McGonagall's class. He shoved Remus in through the door first, and followed behind him.  
  
Remus froze in front of the eyes of dozens of students and the glare of Professor McGonagall. "You're ten minutes late, Mr. Lupin, Mr. Black. Detention tomorrow night." The two seated themselves in the back of the room in the only two vacant seats. James and Peter were further up towards the front; Once McGonagall had returned to lecturing the class on switching spells, James turned around and mouthed at the two, "Detention!" and shook his head in a disappointed manner. Sirius turned to Remus and grinned. "We lucked out, huh, Moony? Old McGonagall only gave us one night's detention."  
  
"No night's detention is better than one, though." Remus muttered.  
  
"Oh, no, no, no, Moony, how wrong you are!" Sirius whispered. "Detention is very amusing, and very fun!" Sirius's blue eyes glittered with wildness behind them.  
  
Remus stared into those seas of blue, too far gone. "I'm sure you're right, Padfoot," Remus smiled sadly. Fun was what got you killed, Remus thought bitterly. 


End file.
